Confession…

I don’t feel like a rock star.

A few weeks ago, I posted a photo of my abs on Facebook. It got more “likes,” more quickly, than anything else I’ve posted. Of course, I loved that repsonse. But… it also freaked me out.

Don’t get me wrong. I am proud of what I have accomplished. And I think a six-pack looks damn sexy. But somehow, I wasn’t ready for this reaction. You see, despite all the changes I have made, I don’t see myself as a REALLY fit person. I still see traces of the fat girl that I was for so long.

Many women unconsciously choose to gain weight because it feels safer. At some point, they got attention from men that they didn’t want. Being attractive felt dangerous.

I didn’t think I was that way. Honestly, I enjoy attention! Yet somehow, I still have a fear of standing out TOO much. Being too visible. That same fear limits me in other parts of my life. I am afraid to excel. Scared to take my life to the next level.

I can’t say I’ve resolved this issue. But here are a few lessons I’m learning:

  • Accept the cost. Sorry to say it, but this is part of the transformation process. Honestly, there IS a downside to everything in life, even to becoming fit, energetic, and sexy! (Otherwise, you would have done it before, right?!) It is okay to grieve that. In fact, it’s necessary.
    It’s also easy to expect getting fit and hot to change other things in your life. It DOES, but… Looking sexy won’t automatically result in a great new job, or an improved relationship with your spouse. Dealing with your weight issue may be like pulling back one layer… now you can see and deal with the deeper issue underneath.
  • Find people who understand. I walked into my session with my trainer, Bea Fox, and confessed that I hadn’t worked out for a week. And I told her why. How I was struggling with this new image of myself. That I hated the way getting fit had impacted some of my friendships.
    She couldn’t make it go away, of course. But just hearing that she had been through it and understood helped ME accept it.
  • Hold “you” lightly. Have I become a different person than I was a year ago? Yes! And no. I’m still Abby. But how I express that self, who I am, is different.
“Who you are is a FLUID concept.” – Wesley Goo

    Now, I am an athlete. I am a rock star! Redefine yourself. Who will you decide to be?!

  • Celebrate it. Though it threw me, I LOVE that I am perceived differently now. That’s how far I’ve come! And I’m glad that I can empathize with others who are scared to make a change.
    Have you changed and gotten an unexpected reaction from friends? From yourself?! Celebrate that! It’s like earning a gold star. 🙂 That recognition tells you that you have truly reinvented yourself.
In the end, being forced to confront this fear has been freeing. It’s in the open now. I get to deal with it, count the cost, and choose who I want to be.

Question: Have you experienced something like this? What scares you about improving your fitness (or another area of your life)?

 

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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2 thoughts on “Confession…

  1. Abby, this just made me cry for many reasons. I love what you have to say here. You are such an inspiration and a fabulous writer. ; ) Keep it up girl!!

    • Sedna, that’s such high praise – the words and the tears. Thank you! <3 Glad to have you in my life as one of the people who understand!